You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
