The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize