I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
