She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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