Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
