Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
