I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
