It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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