i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
