My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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