Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
