she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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