Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
