I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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