I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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