You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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