I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
