I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
