So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
