Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize