Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
