fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
