she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
