Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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