SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
