my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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