Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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