chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
