FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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