Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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