Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm at about main and main street
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
