i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
