Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
