5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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