it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
