oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize