hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
