She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I fill condoms, not promises.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
