watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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