Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize