Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
