You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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