I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
