No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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