2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
