Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
