So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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