My nipple is on Facebook.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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