He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
