I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
