u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
