dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
