I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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