You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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