Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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