The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
