Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
