So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
