I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
