I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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