ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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