the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
