WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
