Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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