you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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