Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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