At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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