May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
