You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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