Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
