If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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